It was not until this past Monday when I attended Jasmine Star's event. Jasmine Star is not only an amazing wedding photographer, but also a inspirational woman who has a passion for helping other photographer's reach THEIR dreams. At the event she didn't talk about her success, she talked about her struggles in life. How her struggles made her change...change into this beautiful and strong person. She asked us to think about our struggles and how we can convert them into something beautiful. At the end of the event, I got a chance to quickly say hello to her. I told her about my struggles and how I am fearful of people judging me. She responded by saying, "Olga, you NEED to put it out there! Tell your story." That simple sentence brought me to this moment...I am starting this blog because I want to tell my story.
I am an aspiring photographer who thrives to photograph the beautiful moments in life. To simply make one smile. To take them out of reality and let them live in the moment of the photograph. Leaving all negativity aside and gain a sense of optimism and serenity.
So what is my struggle?
At the age of 12, I started to develop a voice condition called Spasmodic Dysphonia. It was supposed to be a time to grow up, a time to have sleepovers with my friends, and a time to dream about who I wanted to become. Instead, I was asking myself "Why do I sound so different? "Why can't people understand me?" "Why can I not express myself?" From then on I began to loose my confidence, loose my friends, and loose my identity. It has been years of visiting different doctors trying to see of ways to overcome this "sickness". Apparently the only way of "curing" it is to inject botox in one of my vocal cords every 3-5 months for the rest of my life. But even that cannot guarantee my voice back for those few months. It was not until probably two years ago that I began to notice the good about my diagnosis. God has a plan for all of us. I was given this voice for a reason. But what is that reason? It has been an intense journey of redefining who I am. I have learned to live my life in a whole different way. I began to observe the world...I noticed the beauty in every situation. I surrounded myself with people who love me for ME. Since my voice has had this condition, my camera became my new voice. I started capturing my surroundings. It allowed me to express myself again and eventually I became addicted to this new world. So now that I have a better understanding of my journey in my life, I am ready to LET GO...AND GO FOR MY DREAMS!
But what are my dreams?
My dream is to stop letting my voice take over my confidence. My dream is to photograph weddings. My dream is to travel the world and capture the more unfortunate and bring awareness. I want to connect to people and have them not focus on my voice but my words. I want to feel worthy again.
Some people call Spasmodic Dysphonia a disability...I call it a gift from God.
